MG Footy

Slightly near the mark, but enjoyable nonetheless:

What I did on my summer holiday
By Theo Walcott Esq aged 8 1/2

I went to a place called Germany with my Uncle Sven and some other grown ups.

It is a country in Europe where a bad man called Adolf used to live with his nazties, he does not live there anymore, Uncle Owen does live there, and the grown up’s say I cant talk about the bad man as it will make Uncle Owen cry if I do. In Germany there are lots of castles and some mountains.

We are staying in a place called Baden Baden that’s a silly name, Uncle Frank has the same name as his dad, that’s silly too, his mum must get their underpants mixed up all the time.

On the aeroplane Uncle Sol sat next to me, he got me some toffee and wants to be my friend, he works at the place where I do my YTS, so does Uncle Freddy but him and Uncle Sol are not best friends anymore. Uncle Owen met us at the airport, he talks foreign, Uncle Wayne, Uncle Steven
and Uncle David also talk funny, my mum says Uncle David talks like Orville, he is a duck, Uncle Sol say’s Uncle David wears dresses and knickers, and asked me if I had ever worn them.

Uncle Sol got me some pop.

In Germany the grown ups are going to play football, my grandad says we beat them in the olden days before my mum was born. That is a long time ago.

While the grown ups went to play football, I went shopping with Auntie Vicky and some other girls. She bought me a big Ice cream and got herself a little one but she said she was full before she had eaten any and threw it away.

She bought lots of shoes and handbags and let me play with Brooklyn. She say’s she used to be in a pop band and sang me one of her songs, I think she was telling fibs.

I told Uncle Sol about my day out with Vicky and he sulked, then he bought me an even bigger ice cream with lots of hundred’s & thousands on it.

All the other grown ups have a girlfriend except Uncle Sol so he plays with me while they go out. Uncle Sven says I must keep Uncle Sol happy, that’s why I got taken on holiday.

The grown up’s went to play Football against somebody called Sweden, Uncle Sol was crying as Uncle Freddy played for them and would not talk to him.

Uncle Sol bought me lots of toffee today and some crisps. Uncle Sven is from Sweden and I heard him on the phone to their boss last night. Uncle Michael hurt his knee and had to go home to his mum for a plaster. Uncle Peter is a giant, a proper giant like you see in books, he is
rubbish at football though.

Uncle Wayne had a sore toe at the start of our holiday but it got better so they let him play football.

Uncle Sol got me a present but I do not like it. He says all Germans wear leather underpants and I should while we are here, they are too tight for me. All the grown ups started to call Uncle Wayne a potato head who stood on somebody’s spuds.

He got shouted at by the referee.

They are all saying that we have to go home now.

Uncle Sol was crying again and I had to sit on his knee to make him stop.

He had his mobile phone in his pocket, I think.

It was always on the cards that the World Cup would end this way for England:

• the current golden-boy would stamp on an opponent’s crackers and get sent off;
• by some ironic twist of fate his team-mate at Overpaid-and-Over-Inflated-Sense-of-Self-Importance United scored the penalty that knocked them out;
• last time’s hero decides that now is the time to bow-out as captain;
• the foreign looon that has been holding the fort between English managers blames himself for the team’s shortcomings – too right, but what’s the rugby or cricket team’s excuse?

So, until next time…

At last, after weeks of turmoil and hesitation, MG Footy is moving! We will still be in Birmingham, but now based in Hodge Hill, about 3 miles from where we were before.

Once we are in and settled, look out for details of the end-of-season spectacular, most likely sometime after the end of the World Cup.

(from an Ireland fan)

It is just before the England v Brazil match. Ronaldinho goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum.

“What’s up?” he asks.

“Well, we’re having trouble getting motivated for this game.

We know it’s important but it’s only England. They’re sh*te and we can’t be bothered.”

Ronaldinho looks at them and says, “Well, I reckon I can beat them by myself – you lads go down the pub.”

So Ronaldinho goes out to play England by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars.

After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads:

Brazil 1 – England 0 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes)

He is beating England all by himself!

A few pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers, “It must be full time now, let’s see how he got on.” They put the teletext on.

Result from the Stadium:

Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes) – England 1(Lampard 89 minutes)

They can’t believe it; he has single-handedly got a draw against England!!

They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate Ronaldinho. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sitting with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them. “I’ve let you down, I’ve let you down.”

“Don’t be daft, you got a draw against England, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!”

“No, no, I have, I’ve let you down…I got sent off after 12 minutes.”

Some people, somewhere are about to start some kind of international festival involving a spherical bag of leather, filled with air. If that is your thing, check out World Cup Fantasy Football. Looks good, nice interface – something you could expect from MG Footy in about 3 seasons time!?!